Our little sesame seed

It's been just a week since we saw the two pink lines appear before our unbelieving eyes- and already so much seems different. All the topics about babies and pregnancy that I avoided before or would have just flat out said "I don't want to talk about that" are now all that we CAN talk about! There's this tremendous sense of relief and release. All the dreams and what if's and fun imaginings that we've been holding back are now let loose. We talk about names, we talk about what features of ours we hope they have, we talk about the birth, we talk about what I'll look like with a big belly, we talk about what it will feel like to just hold them.....aaahhhh. We went to the mall to look at baby clothes. We never go to the mall!! It was my husband's idea- and it was really fun :) Our coffee table is stacked with the books my sister has loaned me- Dr. Sear's Baby Book, Your Pregnancy Week by Week, Bradley's Husband Coached Childbirth. We're browsing those websites that give the weekly updates and show the little baby turn into a mini dinosaur and then a lima bean with flippers. We can't help but laugh at those early stages!

It's hilarious how quickly this has flooded our lives! I guess because this is what we've been waiting for so earnestly. We want to experience it all and to go through it all together. Ryan's right here with me reading the books and checking the websites and looking at the baby clothes. His heart is so tender to this baby already.

Wow there's so much to celebrate! Thank you Jesus!

And yet, it's all very sobering as well. Things could still go wrong. In these books I'm reading about all the horrible things that can go wrong between now and week 40. There are no guarantees. (I love it- in one paragraph they're saying 'relax, enjoy your pregnancy!' and in the next one they're talking about all these risks and problems!)

And it also makes us totally think through our future and our plans and what all of that will look like. I just started with Peace Catalyst International on Monday. Ironic that that was the same day I got confirmation about the pregnancy. "Hi it's my first day here. By the way I'll be leaving in about 9 months. Thanks." There was definitely some background-story-giving that had to go on that day for those in PCI that didn't know our story. Basically- if this had been according to OUR timing we'd already have a baby in our arms. Apparently God thought NOW was awesome timing to give us a child! It's only funny looking at it from THIS side of the story :)

Plus, we're smack-dab in the middle of support raising- in a recession- and it's slow to say the least. Just as pregnancy makes all sorts of mothering instincts and such kick in for me, it also causes my husband to think practically and seriously about making sure his wife and soon-coming child are provided for. Will our support come in? Will it come in time? Will it be enough for all 3 of us? Should he look for a better job in the mean time? Lord Jesus bless my precious husband as he seeks you on these hard questions! We need your direction and your provision!

Question- who on earth thought up the system for dating your pregnancy? Start from the first day of your last period??? So technically you're already counting "weeks pregnant" when you're having your last period? It makes no sense to me- but I'll go with the flow anyway. And that means I'm at the end of my 5th week. Baby is the size of a sesame seed :) And boy is that sesame seed making me feel tired already! I can't believe the tiredness starts this early, but then I read about everything my body is doing to grow that baby and it's little placenta-home and all the hyper-crucial development that goes on in these very early weeks. I guess that's reason enough to feel a bit more tired than usual these days ;) And yet- so frustrating!!!- I have the worst time falling asleep and staying asleep at night. I guess there's too much baby on the brain.

More to come! Thanks for still reading :)

Carrie