Last night a monster migraine crept up, stayed with me through the night, and was raging full-force this morning. This was the kind that hurt so bad it made it hard to talk or open my eyes. I crawled out of bed and pathetically sat on the couch with my eyes closed and could hardly respond to my sweet husband who was trying to help me in some way. I've battled migraines since high school so it's not all that unusual for me, but being pregnant I can't zap it away with pain reliever. And tylenol, which is ok to take in small doses during pregnancy, does absolutely nothing for any type of pain I have so it's next to useless to even take it. Besides that, we'd given our last remaining tylenol to our neighbor a few days ago who needed to "borrow" some. So I was in total misery with absolutely nothing available to really help me. Since I was pretty much comatose and not really responding to the kind ways my husband wanted to try to help me feel better (food? no. ice pack? no. anything? no. poor guy.) he left to run something to his work.
While he was gone I realized I was also feeling nauseous. Couldn't tell if it was migraine-nausea or preggo-nausea. Great- another symptom I can't do anything about. Then......the cat starts barfing. First I just hear the horrific heaving sounds and then I see her actually do it right by the front door. Then she comes over closer to me and proceeds to finish off on the rug, with more gagging-puking sounds. This makes me start to gag and I can't stand the sight of the barf pile either so I have to leave the room and go to the bedroom. I call Ryan to warn him not to come in the front door or else he'll get quite the foot-full, and I politely tell him he needs to clean it up when he gets here because I'm about to lose it myself.
*Deep breaths. Think about something else. Stop replaying the sounds of the cat barfing. Keep breathing.*
So I never threw up, Ryan came home and cleaned up the cat mess, and I got rid of my migraine by drinking a small cup of caffeinated coffee. Miraculous!!! But the rest of the day I was wiped out and my stomach was so weird. We had planned a date day- lunch at Wildflower, browse Changing Hands bookstore, then go see Get Low at Camelview. Thankfully the nausea was the kind that got better when I ate so I was fine after lunch. It was a lovely day, but I was dragging so hard and just wanted to sit down everywhere we went. In Changing Hands I camped out in the kids section because of a nice upholstered bench and my body was just saying: SIT! Going to the movies was perfect because it was dark and cool and the seat was comfy and all I had to do was sit there! :) By the way, Get Low is a wonderful movie. Great themes, wonderful acting, and a very quality film overall. We hardly ever go to the movies, so it means a lot that we actually paid the dough to see this one.
When we walked out of the movies Ryan put his hand on my tummy- where our little 7 week blueberry-sized baby grows- and said 'That was your first movie, baby!" He's been doing that lately with the baby- first time to the lake by our apartment, first time to the beach and the zoo on my birthday trip, first time eating curry etc. Ryan talks to the baby everyday and is obviously in love like I am. Already. 7 weeks and we're already taken. At the beginning of this he even asked me, "Should we try not to get attached in these early weeks since something could happen?" And immediately we both said "No way!" We couldn't help ourselves. So come what may (obviously there are risks at every point of the pregnancy), we will be able to say that we gave our hearts to this baby and loved him/her before we even laid eyes on them.
So I've been thinking about that this week. It's made me realize how automatic that love was- how quickly it clicked and swept over us. And holy cow!!!!!- if we love them this much NOW- what will it be like when we have them in our arms??? The thought of that depth of love is overwhelming.
We've decided to wait until 12 weeks to do an ultrasound. At 12 weeks is when they can finally do a regular ultrasound, opposed to the internal ultrasound that just isn't so fun. We'll be getting the ultrasound done at a teaching facility and I was not so excited about the idea of getting an internal ultrasound done as several students watch and learn on me :\ So- we'll just have to keep waiting a few more weeks to see what's going on in there. And if there is more than one baby, we'll get the shock of our lives! I think getting to actually see something with my eyes will help this sink in more too and give me some reassurance that things are all fine (which, hopefully they are). Speaking of, you can keep praying that baby grows steady and strong and that all their systems form perfectly and that they stay snug in their little uterus world :)
I get teary eyed just thinking about seeing that first image. Thank you Lord. What a delight and a privilege to be part of this miracle. We lack the words to express all that our hearts hold.