I'm now at 6 1/2 weeks and little baby is about the size of a pea or a coffee bean or some sort of small round edible item- take your pick ;) Yesterday for the first time I was feeling sorta woozy and yucky and was just camped out on the couch all day. I've had days where I've felt really tired, but yesterday I just felt totally gone. In the afternoon my wonderful husband went to the grocery store doing all the shopping for the week so that I didn't have to do it over the weekend. What a help!
Thursday we had our first meeting with our midwife Debbie. That was a step that made this feel a bit more real. I knew her and her husband through Frontiers and have wanted her to be my midwife for a long time now. She's the perfect type of person that you want with you in one your most intense, beautiful and formative moments in life- and that is because she exudes the peace, comfort and gentleness of the Lord. She has one of those voices that makes you feel all relaxed and warm inside. I'm so looking forward to having a home birth experience with Debbie as our wise and calming guide. She spent an hour and a half talking with us and we came home with arms full of wonderful books she lent us on home birth, nutrition and preparing for birth. It's going to be wonderful to be in her care and to have her as such an available resource.
There are still moments where this doesn't feel real and I feel like something is going to snap and I'll realize it's all been a dream. Maybe it won't really seem like reality until I see my belly grow. These months of being pregnant with nothing to show for it are pretty odd. There are still parts of me that are sort of holding back I think, afraid of the risks and the unknowns. Last week I had my first bad dream about a miscarriage and last night I had one where the baby was born but it was really sick. In both it was really scary and the feelings were so real and they sorta creep back up on me. I guess that's the brain's way of processing this huge transition and the fears that are in the back of my mind that I don't even really know are there.
Changing to a much happier subject.....I turned 30 on the 8th! I don't usually make a big deal about how old I'm turning, but 30 is a milestone sort of birthday, and it packed special meaning for me this year. With the timing of the infertility procedure I knew we'd be finding out the results right before my birthday. Great. And that was either going to make it a really, really hard birthday to get through, or it was going to make it even more of a humongous occasion to celebrate. Thankfully, very very thankfully, it was the latter :) So I celebrated my 30th with the happy contentment of knowing baby was growing in my tummy and that the Lord has amazing things planned for my 30th year of life. How fun to think that by my next birthday I'll have a 4 month old :) Eeeee!!!!!
The definite highlight was that Ryan took me to San Diego as a surprise to celebrate! :) It was wonderful! He had planned everything out in advance, every detail, and didn't tell me where we were going until we got in the car to head to CA! The main surprise was that we were going to the San Diego Zoo. I hadn't been there since I was little, but I LOVE zoos and that one is world-renowned- so my hubby knew just what to plan. That zoo is huge and we made it through the entire thing and were completely exhausted by the end of the day. A very happy exhausted :) And boy did I sleep awesome that night! (I think that means exercise is the cure for my pregnancy-sleeplessness.)
We also spent time watching the sunset at the beach where Ryan gave me two fun presents- a little flip calendar with facts about the baby's development for every day of the pregnancy (Genius! It was the sweetest gift and it's so fun to flip the page each day and learn something new) and a precious little sugar bowl. He'd seen me pick it up and check it out several times at Anthropologie (a store we pretty much just window shop at) and so he went back and got it. What a guy!
On our way home we made our way to La Jolla to see the harbor seals who congregate there who were delightfully sunning themselves on the rocks and putting on a great show for everyone. (Can you see the two on the rock and one in the water?)