Wednesday, December 7, 2011

fresh tears

Tonight I shared my "life story" in the new small group we're part of. When I got to the part about losing our baby I totally lost it. I was surprised at myself and I think Ryan was surprised too. A few reasons why: I sorta never cry in front of other people. Not that I stifle it, but I just sorta am able to keep it together usually. Also, I realized I hadn't talked about that experience as a "story" in a really long time. Explaining all the events all together was really emotional. I haven't cried over it in a while. And also.....I realized how much I miss that little one. I'm so excited about our soon-coming-child that I guess I don't think about our other baby as much as I used to. (That makes me sad to realize that.) But talking about them in the context of my entire life and everything that we went through- it was just really sad and I felt so sharply that longing to have them with us right now. I wish the baby we're expecting through adoption was going to be kiddo #2 in this house. I wish they could grow up together...that we could all be together here.

Oh precious one how we miss you! We're so thankful for those 8 short weeks we had with you. Our hearts break all over again wishing you were here. You changed our lives forever. In my heart you'll always be "our first baby". I can't wait to meet you in our forever home. Your Mama and Papa love you so much.

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