tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83050479460083779782024-03-12T16:57:32.322-06:00Feast or Fallowour story of infertility, miscarriage and adoptionCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-52060254720160734902012-06-25T11:48:00.000-06:002012-06-25T11:49:19.471-06:00Waiting and waiting and waiting and......As you can see it has been ages since I've written on here. I told one friend that I just sorta lost the oomph to write when it felt like all there was to say was "We're still waiting. It still sucks." Which is still true, but I figured I should break the silence and post a little update anyway.
We're approaching our 10th month of waiting for a birthmother to choose us to adopt her baby. They Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-15992642767811663502011-12-14T06:49:00.000-07:002011-12-14T06:49:18.177-07:00not itThe birth-parents I wrote about earlier- they did not choose us. There are some complicating factors and drama surrounding that situation that our case worker shared with us that left a small possibility that we could maybe possibly be chosen if some things fell through. Not holding our breath at all though. And we're really ok with it all. I am really hoping that we don't have to be drug throughCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-45817780099014298092011-12-08T12:58:00.001-07:002011-12-08T13:02:20.644-07:00hope beyond the visibleHaving a sad day today. This article was the soul-food I needed. Thank you Jesus for being my hope.
Love this quote:
"God was not done when Noah was in the boat, Sarah was barren, Joseph
was in prison, Moses was on the run from Pharaoh, the children of Israel
were pinned against the Red Sea, the walls of Jericho blocked
possession of the promised land, Gideon was hiding from the Midianites,Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-20353983054084934452011-12-07T22:41:00.001-07:002011-12-07T22:58:16.908-07:00fresh tearsTonight I shared my "life story" in the new small group we're part of. When I got to the part about losing our baby I totally lost it. I was surprised at myself and I think Ryan was surprised too. A few reasons why: I sorta never cry in front of other people. Not that I stifle it, but I just sorta am able to keep it together usually. Also, I realized I hadn't talked about that experience as a "Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-44272524416906973632011-12-07T22:16:00.001-07:002011-12-07T22:39:49.348-07:00wishing i had newsSo I haven't written in awhile because I was really hoping my next post would be a fun announcement about a birth-family choosing us.....but instead we're now 4 weeks in to waiting to hear back about a particular birth-family who were given our profile by our agency. 4 weeks ago we got a call from our case worker that our profile was being presented to a birth-family and that we'd hear soon if Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-84449102278154486222011-11-09T22:11:00.002-07:002011-11-09T22:20:28.428-07:00the honest truthHere's a re-post from a blog I've read a bit by a girl who pretty much has the same story as us. Her honesty is so helpful, especially as she's farther down the road than I am and is dealing with the realities of an open adoption, which we also hope to have. This is really helpful for me to hear- to know that I'm normal in my grief- and I thought it could be a helpful perspective for you to hear Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-62182349008973060292011-11-04T13:20:00.002-06:002011-11-04T13:26:27.911-06:00A post about the conference- finallyWe attended the Together for Adoption Conference last month and ya.....I never wrote a post about it. I had so many thoughts and convictions and we learned so much and my heart was so impacted- but I just don't feel like it's something I'm going to pour out on here. It's stuff that's still going on between me and the Lord, ya know? So instead I thought I'd post some of the great resources that Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-52137100725122175752011-10-05T00:17:00.001-06:002011-10-05T00:27:43.938-06:00planting in hopeLast week on the one year anniversary of losing our baby I woke up with a knot in my stomach and wondered what I would do all day to keep my mind and my hands occupied. I didn't want to just sit around depressed all day. Plant. That's what came to mind. I wanted to plant something.
I bought two geraniums, a red one and a pink one. Most of the time I think of our baby as a girl, so the pink made Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-21616506429813170872011-09-27T12:00:00.001-06:002011-09-27T12:00:13.290-06:00this weekThis week is not a good week. Thursday will mark one year since we lost our baby. I'm feeling sad and gloomy and just want to fast forward through the sadness and get to next week. My hubby was saying last night that it feels like we need to DO something on the 29th to mark it or memorialize it somehow. But we don't know what and I don't think I'll really feel like going anywhere or doing Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-47884265534128229492011-09-25T20:46:00.001-06:002011-09-25T20:46:12.443-06:00summer 2011 catch-upLots has gone on around here this summer- so here are the highlights:
Adoption paperwork DONE July 27th and turned in the next day.
August 2nd-5th- A lovely trip to San Diego, Capistrano Beach and La Jolla to soak up some ocean-ness and enjoy a welcome break from the stifling, staggering heat of Phoenix. We most enjoyed: walking around outside in the cool air, penguins and polar bearsCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0Phoenix, AZ, USA33.4483771 -112.074037333.024432600000004 -112.7057513 33.8723216 -111.4423233tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-26511145110330476302011-09-20T00:21:00.000-06:002011-09-20T00:21:58.967-06:00Stay tuned!Hello. Hi. Wowzers where has the time gone!?!? I totally did NOT intend to have this huge lag in updates here. I have news and photos and excitement and stories to tell! But....not tonight because I am way tired. Just wanted to put this up for those of you who might keep checking back hoping I've posted something new and keep getting disappointed. Stay tuned for some goodness coming up :)Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-39873497286511019872011-07-28T23:07:00.001-06:002011-08-26T11:33:39.923-06:00Learning moreOnce we made the decision to jump in to the adoption process I quickly realized how little I really knew about adoption. I've shared before about how extremely helpful and beneficial the classes from our agency have been. I also wanted to just mention a few other things that have been helpful to me so far.
Ok we haven't gone to this yet, but I'm anticipating that it's going to be super duper Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-15421956387180626742011-07-28T22:07:00.000-06:002011-07-28T22:07:01.072-06:00Done and doneMy hubby keeps reminding me that I haven't written on here in forever- so here's a catch-up post:
We finished our seven weeks of classes on July 12th and just today I turned in our huge pile of paperwork to the adoption agency! Woo hoo! Done and done. Fingerprints, life history, criminal history, medical release, birth and marriage certificates etc etc etc......It's finally done!!! What a reliefCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-14101654010738795452011-06-29T01:28:00.002-06:002011-06-29T01:38:26.132-06:00HeartacheTonight our class was all about birthmoms and what the adoption experience is like from their side. I cried multiple times throughout the class and my heart was just aching for these women the whole time. We watched a video with interviews of birthparents and then a birthmom came in and spoke in the class. Ryan asked me on our drive home what I was thinking and I just burst into tears. But let meCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-46864123453809860622011-06-22T13:12:00.001-06:002011-06-22T13:14:11.281-06:00Slowly, slowlyWe're slowly making progress! We completed class #4 of 7 last night and we've made really great progress on our paper work. Tomorrow we go get our fingerprints done and then just have a few more things to wrap up before we'll be ready to turn in our big packet. I think we'll have a little celebration once we turn that in :)
One big thing on our minds that goes along with that is that when we Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-89051216539853441262011-06-08T01:13:00.001-06:002011-06-22T12:49:06.758-06:00Class #2Tonight we had our 2nd class as part of our adoption certification. The topic was "Infertility Grief and Loss in Adoption- Coming to terms with infertility and assessing your readiness to adopt". Oh wow.
Aaaaand- I did not know that was going to be the topic for the class.
I just breezed on in to the classroom and sat down and was feeling all excited for learning more and being in the process.Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-25362764889426909592011-06-02T23:40:00.001-06:002011-06-08T01:15:47.093-06:00"I will have sympathy as long as you have grief."I've been following this series about infant loss/miscarriage on this blog- www.liferearranged.com. Women who write really well, who have the gift of using words to really impact your heart and give you a different perspective, have been sharing their stories about losing their babies. Sad- yes- but it's done in a way that reveals the small shaft of the light of hope that somehow breaks in to theCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-54443612087299029152011-05-31T23:55:00.000-06:002011-05-31T23:55:28.452-06:00First class......whoaTotal information overload! We had our first adoption class tonight and it was like a dump truck of information for 2 1/2 hours! I don't even know what to say about it right now. It was good, but it's just really mind-boggling to hear of all the crazy legal stuff involved and all the loops and turns that can take and all the million scenarios of things that can happen with the birthmom and the Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-91622101763420782472011-05-28T17:47:00.000-06:002011-05-28T17:47:58.415-06:00Together for AdoptionThis website/movement is a great resource- www.togetherforadoption.org. I love reading the articles they post on their home page, written from many perspectives and experiences, and always very biblical and thought provoking. They also have links to lots of books, blogs, sermons, videos etc. We are especially excited about the conference they are putting on here in AZ in October.
"Together for Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-32538087811870711072011-05-25T23:17:00.000-06:002011-05-25T23:17:51.017-06:00Moving onHoly cow! Where did the time go?? Sorry for the super long silence. Did not intend for that to happen. We moved two weeks ago (a week later than we had originally anticipated) and so I'm writing this in our very own home :) Most of the boxes are unpacked and we're finding our way out of the disorientation that moving is. We sorta didn't realize what a big transition it would be to move away from Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-57610289983770434482011-05-03T00:55:00.004-06:002011-05-03T09:42:55.451-06:00Babylost Mothers Day and the due dateThis past Sunday was International Babylost Mother's Day, although most people have never heard of that. In some cities there are gatherings for the mamas who have lost their babies to death, with balloon releases or a nice ceremony or something, but not in AZ as far as I know. Plus we were out of town anyway- up north for my sister-in-law's baby shower. But that's a whole 'nother story. Let's Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-71999975604301626382011-05-03T00:25:00.003-06:002011-05-25T23:42:53.087-06:00A new placeThe title means two things, two new things that are going on around here. First, tomorrow we sign the papers for our house! Our new place :) Our apartment is currently filled with boxes and I'm looking at bare walls with naked nails still stuck in them. I called the utility companies to have things turned off and then turned on at their respective places. Now the move feels real!
And the second Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-15819127863448167982011-04-20T23:25:00.000-06:002011-04-20T23:25:43.552-06:00Now what?Now what? That's the question we're wrestling with now. I'm feeling done with IUI and some part of me is ready to move on....while many other parts of me are mourning, sad, questioning, struggling and in a bit of disbelief that we're here. Here at the crossroads where we make a completely life-altering decision about how to grow our family. Here where we accept that, for now, we apparently are Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-87146906134052980962011-04-19T06:08:00.000-06:002011-04-19T06:08:25.665-06:00No againBig fat negative. Not pregnant.
Finding myself in between these:
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."Jeremiah 29:11Carriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8305047946008377978.post-44514137589354603092011-04-17T16:07:00.001-06:002011-04-17T16:10:38.541-06:00Nerve-racking and thought-provokingLots of weird-feeling things have been going in my body these last 2 weeks. I won't go on and on with all the pains and twinges and cramps and every little weird thing I've felt over the course of the days- but it's just been weird. It turns in to a guessing game (except this not a fun sort of game) and I sorta go crazy. My brain gets like this: "Is it implantation? It's too early. Maybe? Doesn'tCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07333417873197536445noreply@blogger.com0